~ Blonde Moments In History ~

I am risking life and limb to tell the true story of blondes. The mystique of the blonde has been around since the beginning of recorded history. Poems and myths have been written about the golden-haired woman. The word blonde comes from the Latin blondus (yellow). Throughout history women have agonized to achieve blonde tresses, sometimes with awful results. In Egypt, highly alkaline soaps were applied to the hair and then the women would sit in the sun for hours to bleach it. An easier way was to powder the hair with pollen and crushed sunflower petals. In medieval times, costly wigs were made from imported blonde hair from the Netherlands and Denmark.
Origins: The first recorded blondage occurred in 360 BC, when Praxiteles used his mistress, Phryne, as his model for a statue of a blonde Aphrodite, who came to represent all forms of love. The statue was endlessly reproduced, inspiring prostitutes to find ways to lighten their hair. The poet Menander decreed that "no chaste woman ought to make her hair yellow," but Homer decribed Aphrodite emerging from the sea wearing nothing but her blonde tresses.
In Roman times, the role of Aphrodite was assumed by Venus, another erotic goddess portrayed with golden locks. Again, she inspired prostitutes to hit the peroxide bottle, but the look also caught on, as naturally blonde Germans were taken to Rome as slaves by conquering armies.
By the third century A.D., Christian preachers had concluded that the blonde and naked Venus was evil, yet lightening the hair or wearing a blonde wig remained a popular way of standing out among the dark-haired Romans.
Incidentally, Marie Antoinette is always pictured as a blonde, probably because of her "let them eat cake" quote. Her hair was actually auburn.
Modern Times: It wasn't until 1907, that French chemist Eugene Schueller began manufacturing hair dye in his Paris apartment. His main chemical ingredient was called paraphenylenediamine. He called his company L'Oreal.
The blonding process was quite dangerous at the time, with the chemicals inflicting headaches and scalp burns. It was not unusual for the hair to break off during the process. A common formulation was peroxide with ammonia, added to ivory soap flakes to make a paste. This recipe was used into the 1930s. It was a caustic and unpredictable brew.
When movies came into being, Hollywood realized how great a blonde looked in black and white films, and conceived Mae West and, soon to follow, Jean Harlow. Harlow dyed in her 20's and died in her 30's - and the rumor was that her hair dye killed her.
In 1931, an American chemist, Lawrence Gelb, introduced the first oil shampoo tint. In 1939, he established the first hair dye for home use. He named his company Clairol.
Up until World War II, a woman who dyed her hair was considered "fast". Hollywood depicted the blonde as being dumb, naughty, and immoral. Because Clairol wanted more women to purchase their home hair dyes and also frequent the beauty salon, they targeted housewives, and came up with some of the most famous advertising slogans of all time, including "Does she, or doesn't she? Only her hairdresser knows for sure". The first part of the slogan was considered so provocative and controversial, many publishers wouldn't accept the ads.
Prototype Bimbo: There have been many famous and influential blondes. Possibly the most influential of them all is not even a human - it's a child's toy.
Initially just a blonde teenager, Barbie has changed with the times to become a career woman, a sportsman, and an American icon. Barbie has always been the center of controversy. Recognizing that mothers wouldn't like this Teutonic sex doll, the famous motivational researcher, Dr. Ernest Dichter suggested that Barbie be marketed as a "teenage model" to encourage concern with proper appearance. Thus, from the start, Barbie's function was to teach young girls to be concerned with their weight, their hair, their clothes and their face.
Part of the problem stems from the fact that Barbie is all out of proportion, although she has recently been slightly altered. If she were a real woman, Barbie would be seven feet tall, have a 40" bust, a 22" waist, 36" hips and five foot long legs. Accepted as the U.S. version of beauty, Barbie reminds all the short, brown-haired, brown-eyed girls with rounder figures that they are not beautiful. Hence, generations of young girls have struggled to be more Barbie-like. The result, critics say, is anorexia, bulimia, and a devastated self image.
Barbie also teaches young girls to become shallow and superficial, concerned about fashion and appearance rather than learning to deal with real issues or developing their minds and abilities. Worse, Barbie encourages acquisition and greed. She has truckloads of clothes and all sorts of belongings (homes, tents, cars, swimming pools, etc.). Hell, if she is supposed to be so popular, why do you have to buy all of her friends? And then there's Ken, who was gay before most of us knew what the word meant.
Mattel, the company that makes Barbie, announced this month that Barbie was dumping "Ken" after all these years. While Barbie became an icon over the years, Ken was always a joke. Does anyone remember Ken's earring? One of the funniest moments in television history was the early Barbie commercial that ended with the announcer's voice solemnly asserting that "Barbie does not come with Ken". This was soon changed to the now-famous "sold separately" tag line.
Questions proliferate: Do blondes have more fun? Do gentlemen prefer them? Are they dumb and easy to get into bed?
There are a lot of theories about why blondes are perceived as being shallow, ditzy and bimbos. It has been said that the chemicals used in the process of becoming a blonde seep into the brain. This theory is professed by natural blondes, who eschew the competition of their imitators, but it is not true.
Possibly the reason blondes are perceived as "easy" and "dumb" has to do with psychology. Women who color their hair blonde are often seeking approval and want to be noticed. They hope changing their hair color will be a boost to their self-esteem. The more intelligent among them realize changing hair colors isn't going to address the real issues, so they remain brunettes. This results in a large number of bottle-blondes with low self-esteem and below average intelligence. That's my theory. Could be wrong.
In fact, some research indicates that light-haired ladies are more likely to have college degrees than other females. They're also more likely to be employed in the legal and medical professions and other brainy fields. So much for dumb blondes.
Here are some true-life Blonde Moments:
· A 45 year old blonde, Amy Brasher, was arrested in San Antonio after a mechanic reported to police that 18 bags of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
· An internet email that has been widely circulated says the following: BLONDE VIRUS WARNING. You have just received the "Blonde Virus!" Since we don't have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files on your hard drive, then manually send this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
· While I was employed at the Houston Post, my staff decided to have a birthday party for me. My office assistant bought a cake. While we were sitting around eating cake, the conversation turned to birthdays. My blonde assistant was asking everyone what their birthday was, and reading their horoscopes out of a magazine. She turned and asked me what my birthday was. I pointed to the birthday cake she had brought and said "you don't know?"
More Blondage:
· A blond was in an elevator when a man walked in. The blond looked at him and said happily "t-g-i-f!"
The man looked at her and replied "s-h-i-t".
The blond was very confused at this point and explained, "t-g-i-f, thank God it's Friday!"
· The man smiled and said again "s-h-i-t… sorry honey, it's Thursday!"
· Two blondes were driving down I-10. As they were approaching Anahuac, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch at the Anahuac exit. As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce the name of this place, very slowly?"
The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Jaack… innn… the... boxx".
Having Fun At A Blonde's Expense:
The consensus is that blondes are gullible. Whether it is true or not, it is fun to research.
I have a habit of telling blondes (including my bride) things that cannot be true, just to see if they'll "buy" it.
Among the ones that have worked are:
· There are fierce and dangerous Texas beavers inhabiting the local bayous that grow to over 100 lbs.
· Patterns found on spotted cattle are not random, there are 24 basic patterns that repeat themselves over and over.
· Whiskey works better than anything else when I am suffering from one of my "asthma" attacks.
· Due to a little-known state law, it is illegal for men to purchase tampons.
· Filet Mignon is actually made of pickled goat's testicles.
· Washing the car too often will soon destroy the paint job.
and my favorite:
· If men don't have enough sex, they can keel over and die.
Try this on a blonde:
You say: "Hey did you hear the 'knock knock' joke about the blonde?" They say: no. You say: "OK, you have to start it". They say: "knock knock". You say: "who's there???"
Suddenly they realize they have been "had"….
It has been known to work twice on the same blonde.   
GATOR