Local Lounge Singer Claims He Was Abducted By
Illegal Aliens

Popular singing star Bob Mills (below) told reporters at a press conference this month that he had been abducted by aliens in September of this year.
Mills is best known for his failure to appear at many events, including the Houston Rodeo, The MTV karaoke awards, and The Tonight Show with Gonad O'Really.
According to affidavits given to Galveston County Sheriff Gean Leonard's nephew, Mills was abducted by two illegal aliens in a green and white spacecraft, which had been disguised as a patrol car. The aliens were dressed as police and conversed with him by telepathy. They transported Mills to the mothership, which was "similar to a large jail or prison of some type", according to Mills statement.
Mills will file a lawsuit against the manufacturers of a pair of trousers he was wearing during the incident. The suit claims that the trousers, which have libido-enhancing magnets built into them, attracted the illegal aliens.