THE YOUNG & THE BREASTLESS DEPT:

Boob Job Benefit Gets Corporate Sponsor

When Judy Bazonga needs a bra, she has to buy two of them, and then cut them in half and sew them together. Due to a rare condition doctors have diagnosed as "asymmetrical knockertiticus", Bazonga has one huge, succulent left breast, and a much smaller, perky right one. Technically, her bra size is 34-a/d.
The condition has caused Bazonga problems keeping her balance, according to John Grabber. Grabber is a local amateur Boobologist who has studied Bazonga's case.
Nightmoves publisher Gator, who is also considered an expert in such matters, inspected Bazonga's personally, and has decided to hold a benefit to help put Bazonga's bust on an even keel. "I will personally examine this case after the surgery, just to make sure everything is done properly" Gator said. Local band Cloud Nine has agreed to perform at the event, if they're allowed to take pictures.
Bazonga first noticed the problem when she was 13. The other kids at school teased her, calling her names like "Cyclop Boobs". She had to maintain two boyfriends, each of whom had his own "favorite" side. "It has caused me a lot of problems" says Bazonga. "I keep getting weird guys wanting to examine my breasts, claiming to be experts".
The benefit, which will be held at Splash #3 on April 1st, will be co-sponsored by the Fix-O-Flat Corporation. Fix-O-Flat became involved when CEO Herman Hornsnoggler heard about the case through a mutual friend. "At first I thought it was some kind of a joke" Hornsnoggler said, "but then I saw it for myself". The company will match benefit proceeds dollar for dollar. It is hoped that enough money will be raised to pay for reducing the oversized left boob, and to pay for new, sexy outfits for Bottsnoker.